Earl: Hey, Sazan! Want to see pictures of my kids?
Sazan: Yes, those are children. Your story checks out.
Earl: Huh. Never gotten quite that response before.
Sazan: What do you want me to say? 'Oh, my stars. What adorable tots. I just want to hold their little hands and tell them that life is fair and safe and happy."
Earl: …Yeah, you're right. That's worse.
At Earl’s Ship
Earl: Hey, my ship! I promise, Misty, I’ll get you home.
Sazan: This? This is garbage. Just get a new ship.
Earl: Hey, my ship! I promise, Misty, I'll get you home.
Mendoza: I thought Misty was your wife's name.
Earl: Yep.
Mendoza: …And also your gun's name?
Earl: That's right.
Mendoza: …And it's also your ship's name?
Earl: Hey, it's a good name.
Eliminations[]
Quote
Audio
Don't let it get to you.
Guess I got lucky.
I'm good at taking things apart.
It's called getting whooped.
Little dogs bark loud.
Man's gotta earn a living.
Misty always gets the last word.
One of us had to lose.
Report that to the Unity.
That ain't gonna buff out.
You could use a tune-up.
You fought good, pal.
Launch[]
Quote
Audio
I'm here. Roll out the welcome mat.
I've got a good feeling about this.
Let's get this show on the road!
Let's show this world who's boss.
Time to drop the hammer,
Wish me luck, Misty.
Monologue[]
Quote
Audio
Let me tell you about Misty. She's the best thing that ever happened to me.
I grew up on a leng-garr world. Got off it as soon as I could. Other leng-garr would probably call me a traitor for leaving.
I did a lot of things to survive. Lot of things I'm not proud of. Things I don't like to talk about.
Eventually, I got my own ship – hauling and brawling across the galaxy. Heheheh.
Then I met Misty on a back-water world. She had a couple adopted kids. She takes in strays, you know. She's got a big heart.
And, well, true love. She believed in me. Cared about me. We got married, and I adopted the kids too.
And more kids later. Like I said, she takes in strays. Like me.
Leng-garr don't believe in families like humans do. We're spawned in a machine and assigned to a clade. A genetic class, you know.
They don't like human marriage. They definitely don't like a leng-garr marrying a human.
So, your average leng-garr? They see I've got a wife and kids, and they don't like it. I creep them out.
But I'm OK with that. Because Misty loves me.
Pokes[]
Quote
Audio
Yeah?
Uh…yeah?
This thing on? You can hear me, right?
Ok, you want to chat? I can chat. Chat up a storm, long as you're buying the drinks.
The secret to a happy marriage? If you figure it out, let me know. Hah, just kidding, my wife is the best.
I'll tell you my secret to great parenting, though: dad jokes. Yep, dad jokes. Get ready.
Everyone back home knows that old Earl is good for two things: a laugh and a tune-up. Might even say I'm the torque of the town.
Heh heh heh, that's funny, I don't care what species you are. Or what species your kid is. Heck, we got a bunch of them and they all think I'm hilarious.
Speaking of the kids, me and my daughter were reading this book about anti-gravity engines. Interesting stuff, we couldn't put it down.
…Damn, I miss her.
Tell you what, though, my daughter's got the brains in the family. Most of the stuff in that anti-grav book went right over my head.
Kids will surprise you, you know. Asked my son to make me a sandwich. You know what he said? "Poof, you're a sandwich!" Real proud moment, right there.
Still wanted that sandwich, though. Man's gotta eat.
I can do this all day, pal. Keep clicking.
Lots of running around here on Crucible, trying to keep up with the young folk. You'd think I'd lose some weight, but it keeps on finding me.
Ok, ok, I got one: While back my littlest asked me, "Dad, what's a weekend?" I told him, "I don't know, son. I'm a trucker."
(Prolonged laughter, trailing off awkwardly)
Ok, I'll see myself out.
Select Character[]
Quote
Audio
Fine choice.
I'm Earl. This here is Misty.
Rarin' to go.
Unlockable[]
Quote
Audio
(engine revving sounds with mouth)
(guitar solo sounds with mouth)
Floor it!
Hell yeah.
If you're standing in blue stuff, you might be an essence hunter.
It's your funeral.
Ok, settle down, sport.
Only thing tougher than a trucker is a trucker's wife. So Misty tells me.
So you hear about that new restaurant on Ganymede? Great food, no atmosphere.
SPECIAL DELIVERY!
Victory[]
Quote
Audio
Aw yeah! First round's on me!
Can't underestimate luck.
Hell of a way to make a living.
Looks like the best man won.
Sometimes it's the will and not the skill.
Tastes like victory.
That one's for you, Misty!
Well, would you look at that.
Whew, worked up a sweat back there.
Wish the kids could have seen their dad in action.